its 4 in the morning.

2 days after my bird died because of me. 

my best friend, who kissed my eyelashes while i cried through years of depression has left and its my fault.

i was coming off medication and i could barely think or move. things slipped my mind. i let her diet slip. i let her cage get messy. and then one day i found her dead.

this is guilt unparallelled to anything ive ever felt.

ive never hated myself so much.

she trusted me and loved me, i was her best friend and her mother.

and i killed her.

it was all my fault.

i cant sleep and all i want to do is cut and drink and smoke and binge and purge and starve like she starved.

im scared things will get bad again.

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